The Art of Forgiveness

I was ready to sit cross-legged for an hour or two. I was ready to feel the aches and pains of extended stillness gradually permeate every part of my body. I was ready to experience any of the symptoms or strange thoughts described by Mary-Lou Stephens in her memoir, Sex, Drugs and Meditation.

Instead, sitting upright in a chair with my feet flat on the floor, I experienced no more than 30 minutes of guided meditation over two separate sessions. That's less than I'm able to do at the gym after a yoga class. I'd failed and it wasn't even my fault! I knew I had to LET GO of my expectations and this feeling of disappointment and JUST BE. I probably shouldn't have expected anything more but the schedule online had looked differently to me. The forty-five minutes that were down for Guided Meditation in fact included teaching and discussion time. First hurdle to inner peace: acceptance. I'd gotten it wrong. Second hurdle to inner peace: forgiveness. It's okay. I'm okay.

I think of the tapping affirmation that I tried once (I try everything once), which went something like

Despite (insert negative thing here) I deeply and completely accept myself.

I tried to make the affirmation work without doing the tapping, which would have looked weird to people who were new to meditation, let alone tapping healing.

Forgiveness, kindness, compassion, and the path to enlightenment have come up so often in my life, particularly during my thirties, that it seemed time to seek extra guidance. I'd picked up a postcard somewhere for a day's meditation course in Tewantin and thought, "I can do this or the blogger meetup in Brisbane...this."

The morning starts slowly, as a Sunday morning should, and appropriately in this case, on my own, after being dropped off at Noosa Marina in Tewantin where there are market stalls starting to come to life and a random gift store offering hot beverages about to open its doors. Sam and Poppy take off to Noosa Arts Theatre, for Sam's West Side Story auditions. He's directing. Poppy is meeting and greeting artists, and offering feedback, whether she is asked for it or not!

I sample a lovely, locally made sugar scrub and essential oil collection ("Just the thing for Mother's Day!") and consider buying a beautifully polished heart-shaped stone (for abundance) from a woman whose little boy is busy rearranging the shiny wares she'd just spent the last ten minutes setting up. The gift store behind her stall opens and I opt for their decadent dark chocolate because the Chai Latte is to be made with powder. I'd forgotten to ask so I'm glad the girl mentions it. It's hard to get good chai. My hot chocolate is served with a chocolate-coated spoon. The chocolate melts and I stir it through the hot milk. Delicious. I sit with it because I can, taking the time to watch the activity around me, observing the sleepy scene still unfolding in a place that I'd never stopped to see before.

With an hour to spare, I take my time to walk across the bridge and over to the river bank, where I sit down and Instagram a house boat, imagining the quiet, contented lives of the inhabitants. I read another chapter of Sex, Drugs and Meditation and then I stroll down Ernest Street, with my yoga mat and wrap, to United Synergies. Nestled in bushland behind a main road, this is the home of a not for profit group that provides services and support to families and communities to help them reach their potential. It's a happy, peaceful place. I'm glad we're able to use this space.

Thirty people turn up, register, make themselves a coffee or a cup of green tea, and settle into the chairs that are set up in the Meeting Room. Wait. Meeting Room? Chairs? I slide my red LOVE yoga mat discreetly under my seat. Oh well.

There is some discussion and a few introductions here and there, but it's clear that everyone has arrived and committed to the day for their own reasons and most, as I am, are content to dwell in their own head space for a bit longer. I stand by the merch table and speed read as many introductions to Tharpa publications as possible, and four delightful children's books in their entirety. I'm tempted to buy these on the spot, especially after the teacher's quick, smiling story, which she tells me between trips to the kitchen, about a nun who produced from her bag, a copy of The Story of Angulimala to read to a group of feuding grown-ups in the car during a long road trip. During the lunch break, to avoid the lure of so much fascinating literature available for purchase, I return to my sunny spot by the river. There is too much to think about and the pile of books beside my bed reached toppling height three weeks ago.

The teachings, shared by Diana Waterhouse from Sydney Kadampa Meditation Centre, and based upon the lessons within Geshe's book, How to Solve Our Human Problems, centre around acceptance leading to forgiveness. By the end of the day I give in and buy the book. The paperback edition is only $20 and it makes me happy to have my own copy. See? It's working! I feel happy! I'm already on the path to enlightenment! We'll deal with the attachment issues another day...

It's as if I've heard these lessons before (perhaps I have, in a previous life, and didn't get them right),  but this was my first introduction in this life, to the teachings of Buddha outside of my own reading. I've made a couple of visits to Chenrezig, but they've been on a Friday, with Mum, who also enjoys the calm of the place, the conversation, and the excellent vegetarian lunch at the Big Love Cafe. We usually keep talking well past the start of the lesson that follows. Last time we were out there, we wandered through the Garden of Enlightenment and Mum said she'd like to end up there, with a memorial stupa of her own. I thought of the worst possible Dad Joke ("Don't be stupa!") and instead of saying it aloud I told her I'd be happy with a membership and coming along every so often to meditate.

If you're interested in meditation and/or Buddhism, but you're not ready to stay silent at a ten-day retreat yet, or attend regular classes at Chenrezig or anywhere else, the one day Mahasiddha Kadampa Meditation Centre course is an excellent introduction to the Dharma, basic breathing meditations, and a whole new group of like-minded people if that's what you need. It's a good deal more commercial than I'd expected, in the sense that it clearly caters for the non-yogis dressed for a day at Noosa Civic. No judgement, just an observation. And interesting to note; the number of people in attendance each month is surely an indication of the viability of the application of the Dharma in contemporary life.

People want to be happy! Even if it takes a few lifetimes!