Giving ALDI a Go

I once wrote about Giving God a Go. And I did. I gave God a really good go.

Today it was ALDI's turn. I was hoping ALDI would fare a bit better than God actually, because, after all, it is a considerably cheaper place to shop and, not including Sunday School and Vacation Care, which are the other times I have been wholly devoted, God got just a year of my attention. My budget could certainly do with at least a year of spending considerably less at the grocery store. Despite my optimism and willingness to commit, I found it a much more depressing place to shop than anywhere else on God's Earth (see, look at that; I keep giving God a go. ALDI is totes in with a chance). But there is no doubt that I had my misgivings to cast aside.

It's true, I had put off my virgin shop at the Maroochydore store due to a dead boring experience at their Noosa store. I know. That's simply not fair. Who am I to demand to be entertained whilst grocery shopping? Actually, who am I not to be?!

Despite my misgivings, I went; with all those sneaky, diversionary voices in my heard, re-telling me nasty, whispered criticisms (that we hear every time anybody at all tries anything new in this country): you won't find your favourite brands, you'll struggle to find anything; they pile everything up and there's stuff everywhere, it's a mess, you have to take your own bags, you have to pack your own groceries and, perhaps most disturbing of all, ALDI is where the bogans shop.

You may be unfamiliar with the term bogan (which is fantastic because that probably indicates I have readers in countries other than my own) so allow me to refer to the excellent website thingsboganslike.com for clarification.

What is a Bogan Today?

An excellent question. It is time to bring to the world’s attention the means by which we can keep the world’s bogans happy. The word bogan has had a bad rap of late – still associated with wife beaters, flannelette, VB, utes and mullets. But this conceals the new, modern bogan. The bogan with money. The bogan with aspirations. The bogan with Ed Hardy t-shirts. And this is no mere Australian phenomenon – in the US, you have rednecks, in the UK, chavs. While there are variations, the crux of the discussion remains the same.

The bogan today defies income, class, race, creed, gender and logic. The bogan is defined by what it does, what it says and, most importantly, what it buys. Those who choose to deny the bogan on the basis of their North Shore home, their stockbroking career or their massive trust fund choose not to see the bogan. They merely see old class battles revisited. Likewise, the bogan is no mere ‘tradie’. Even if tradies remained low-income workers, many bogans are affluent. And they set themselves apart by their efforts to stand out by conforming as furiously, and conspicuously, as possible.

I think that makes it really clear that the heads-up about bogans shopping at ALDI was quite simply, a little naive. If you ask me, the bogans are still shopping in Kawana. Just saying.

Let me apply a Practical Aesthetics approach to my experience, because it's still new to me and I always like an opportunity to put my newly learned theory into practice. Bear with me.

THE LITERAL:

• I parked the car in the car park
• I took my purse and iPhone and walked into the store
• I walked between aisles of unfamiliar cereal and school snacks (sorry, that's getting interpretive; who said those snacks are solely for school)?
• I picked up a couple of items
• I waited in a queue
• I put my chosen items onto the conveyor belt counter
• I paid for the items
• I took my ALDI enviro-friendly plastic bag (I know, plastic is the new enviro-friendly; go figure), which had been packed by the guy, to my car and I updated my status about my ALDI experience

Let's put that into one sentence that takes care of it all, shall we?

I SHOPPED AT ALDI FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE.

THE INTERPRETIVE (WANTS):

• I wanted the dude at the check-out to validate that I had made the right choice to shop at ALDI

CAP:

• I would know I had achieved this objective when he smiled and told me, "Thanks for shopping at ALDI."

ACTIONS:

• I wanted to get someone to prove their credentials

TACTICS:

• I decided to accept, engage, remain calm, inspect and test

AS IF:

• My AS IF was my sister putting out her hundreds of books for me to choose from to help me save money by borrowing books and having to stay home to read them.

Actually, that's not true; I just wanted to finish off the analytical process. My AS IFs can always be stronger. And my cap was a little high in expectation...the dude didn't even smile.

If Practical Aesthetics interests you (or totes baffles you now that I've mentioned it), I will go through it again, over at xsentertainme.wordpress.com

I have to say, I didn't enjoy my first ALDI experience. But I'm willing to give it another go. I'm a big believer in the old Three Strikes and You're Out approach and I can see that ALDI is going to need at least two more turns at bat. It was different. It was depressing. It was FLUORO. There was just no happy shopper vibe and that's what really blew it for me. I'm a sensory shopper. I'm the ideal consumer. I respond - usually immediately and to the detriment of my bank account - to upbeat elevator music, mood lighting, SALE lighting, friendly, helpful staff (yes, it's true; I encounter them quite often at Bunnings and less frequently at Woolworths) and announcements about this week's specials. I buy two-for-one, I love GWP and if I have to come back next week to keep collecting my barcodes on specially marked packs to get my DVD or baggy green, I WILL.

As a Facebook friend commented (and then promptly hit the delete button, but not before I'd seen the comment and responded to it...don't you hate that?!) it's hard to feel happy and shop happily when you don't know if you've even got enough money to feed the kids. I'm paraphrasing, I don't remember exactly what he said. But I get it, I really get that and fair enough, in response to my little social media whine/devastating realisation that ALDI was not, after all, some groovy, shiny shopping space that would give us all a nice new alternative to the conglomerates. Not nice at all, in fact. Not even very shiny. It seems I'm often just as wrong about people. Not because I'm a bad judge of character but because I give them the benefit of the doubt, despite the warnings about them that I get from other people who have been wounded before me and thus, I give them TOO MANY CHANCES. And they invariably disappoint. ALDI, I HAD HIGH EXPECTATIONS.

Look, I loathed the harsh lighting and the unnerving quiet and the very serious, sad shoppers. And if I'm going to be perfectly honest (and this hurts), I TOO SHOULD be shopping only at ALDI. But not unhappily! Because I'm in the same boat as the original bogans, struggling to make the budget work for my little family every week. I am! Aren't we all?! I put on a good act, though; I embrace life and love and light and all that stuff and I will not be miserable because of some self-perpetuating mantra like, "I can only afford to shop at ALDI." I will buy you a drink with my last $10 before I work out where the next dollar is coming from and I'll shop where I like. Sometimes that might be at ALDI.

What do you think of ALDI? I think I'll take a deep breath and my little trolley token and go back next week to give it another go. I hope I'm not disappointed!