My Daughter is Almost Four and Now We Have The Terrible Twos?!

Do you remember that I taught my daughter to sign? If you're new to this blog, of course you won't! You can read the original post here.

There are many misconceptions about baby sign language. Most are made by individuals who have not taught their own children to sign and sadly, they make the assumption that signing delays speech development. This is quite simply untrue. Poppy is living, breathing, signing, singing, talking testament to the benefits of teaching babies to sign. If you are like me and would prefer to speed read through some of the research, before you take one mother's word for it, go right ahead. Do talk with other signing parents and do read the testamonials as well. In my experience, in most scenarios, the parents of a new baby learn very early to do what works.

So I did not teach baby sign language to Poppy because anybody we know is hearing impaired or because I was able to foresee a future for her in any particular career path that requires it, but because I was convinced before her birth that our ability to communicate using sign language well before any speech developed, would alleviate a lot of the frustration that comes when babies and toddlers are unable to express themselves. And I was right. From about the age of six months, Poppy and her daddy and I were able to communicate with each other clearly, calmly and confidently using a baby sign language system based on Auslan. It is called Tinytalk, created by an enlightened Australian mother, Alison Basson.

The reason I loved using this program is because it was simple enough for me to find and order online while I was at home with a baby and, having never learned to sign before, the comprehensive booklet made it easy for me to stay a step ahead of my child, as well as teach my husband to sign....so that he didn't miss the important stuff.

With a background in Early Childhood Education and Performing Arts, I could see the benefits long before we actually started learning to sign. I read the results of a lot of that research and then, like one obsessed (or nine months pregnant), I read the online forums and discussion threads for and against baby sign language. On a personal level, I think it also important to note that having only one child in the house made it easier for Sam and I to be committed to the program and consistent in its application. Now, don't be misled by "the program", by the way; we kinda made up our own version of Alison's Tinytalk, to suit Poppy and to suit us. I used the Tinytalk flashcards with Poppy (she adored the photographs of animals, learning those signs quickly and using them to whenever we sang or read or played). I also kept a fairly decent record of her development, in terms of being shown the signs, signing back and dropping the signs as words started replacing them. However, I didn't try to teach specific signs in any particular order; I showed her what she seemed to be indicating to me she needed to know. I wish I had taken more photos. I wish I had recorded more footage...

Many of our friends and family members were suspicious at first and either completely uninterested and reluctant to learn any of the signs. Only a few were intrigued and talked about (then laughed about), "What if we had signed...would we have avoided a lot of fuss?" In fact, most of Sam's family members thought at the time that I was quite mad and that it was a complete waste of time teaching sign language to a baby because

1. She's a BABY.
2. She's a HEARING BABY.
3. When she cries, it's pretty obvious that she's hungry, tired or in need of a new nappy. FEED HER, PUT HER TO BED OR CHANGE HER NAPPY. If all else fails, try all of the above and then whatever means are necessary to save your sanity. Right?

Most of my family thought, as they have done for years whenever I try something new, "This too shall pass."

As the months passed, the naysayers started to keep their negative comments to themselves. They witnessed Sam and I, time and time again, using key signs to pre-empt a problem and avert the usual (usual for them, very unusual for us) screams, tears and tantrums because we were able to enquire after what it was that Poppy wanted or she would beat us to it and, by around 10 months, consistently initiate a signed mini-conversation about what she wanted.


Even now, as Poppy approaches her fourth birthday, we are signing whenever we choose to do so. Words and phrases such as "toilet", "sleep", "more" and "I'm hungry" seem to be making a comeback in our household as signs rather than speech patterns. We think it far more efficient and polite to catch each other's eye and sign "toilet?" rather than shout out across the shopping centre or the stretch of beach or the playground. We have also avoided, for well over a year, the whole, "Poppy, I'm speaking to you. Poppy? POPPY! LISTEN TO ME WHEN I AM SPEAKING TO YOU!" We have also managed to avoid - thank you baby-signing Jesus - "LOOK AT MOIEE, POPPY EPONINE, LOOK AT..."








I am happy that Poppy feels comfortable (and confident) using either method of communication with her daddy and I hope that by learning an alternative language, her tolerence of, her patience for and her interest in other people and other cultures is being fostered during these formative years. I also hope that somehow she has absorbed some important lessons about her own ability, patience and communication skills. I am not bragging or being at all biased when I tell you that Poppy, at three and a half, communicates more clearly and expressively than do many adults we know! Most of the time.

That's right. Most of the time. You're wondering about the title of this post, aren't you? Well, remember, I taught my daughter to sign and by doing so, alleviated a lot of the usual frustration of a baby, and then of a toddler, being unable to communicate their needs? And now we're incorporating signs into speech. Great! Except that that was then. The whole period commonly known amongst parents and popular parenting magazines as The Terrible Twos (and probably not talked about or cared about in other circles, which is fair enough) appear to have arrived upon our doorstep. Just last week in fact. I blame Australia Post.

Poppy's frustration does not, and has never really come from the fact that she can't communicate. It seems to come now, at this age, from the fact that she communicates so well and quite often her combined speech/sign system, though brilliant and entertaining, DOES NOT GET HER WHAT SHE WANTS. See below:


Poppy makes eye contact, signs "eat" (the same sign as "hungry", in case you were wondering) and asks verbally, politely, for something to eat. She says, sustaining eye contact and in all seriousness, "Mama, may I please have a sweetie/lollipop/chocolate paddlepop/kitten/rocket ship/pirate ship/red ruby slippers/little sister?"

...When the answer is "No" she responds by repeating the request and upon hearing "No" a second time, stomps her foot and begins screaming like a banshee, tears pouring down her face and yelling at the top of her voice (no signing at this point), "Well, if you say that one more time, Mama, I will NOT be your friend!!!" And rather than run to her room or stomp off to any other room in the house, she stands her ground. GAME ON. n.b. it should be noted, for the record, that when I tell Poppy "No" I simultaneously sign "that's enough" just in case she doesn't get it.



Why did this sweet, intelligent, talented child skip this stage of development earlier i.e. during her two year old status? BECAUSE SHE COULD COMMUNICATE CLEARLY USING BABY SIGN LANGUAGE. Why is this stage occurring now? BECAUSE SHE HAS DEVELOPED LOGIC, REASONING, AN IMPRESSIVE VOCABULARY AND HAS PARENTS WHO HAVE ENCOURAGED HER TO STAND UP AND SPEAK UP FOR HERSELF! Clearly, by teaching Poppy to sign, we have not hindered, delayed or damaged her language development...we have instead, created a monster!!!

Teach your child to sign. And then LOOK OUT!