the facebook phenomenon

Hi, I’m Xanthe and I’m a Facebookaholic. My last status update was a moment ago.

I tell friends and family that I’m exhausted because I haven’t slept. There’s a sick child, a fabulous dinner party, a rehearsal, an opening night, a THS or a Girls of the Playboy Mansion marathon, a midnight margarita, a kinky sexathon…..but the sad truth is that there is just Facebook. There’s a sleigh ride to be taken, a kiss or a snow dome to send, a flower or a butterfly to add to my Growing Garden, a new Sex and the City quote to consider and a cake to throw! And of course there are always new friends to find!

Facebook is built on the premise that the world- at least the virtual world of the Internet- is just one big global friendly, happy family. There is even an application, created by Steve (London) that ambitiously attempts to connect every single member of fb- it’s the Six Degrees of Separation Group, based on the popular (but as yet unproven) theory that we are all only six people apart. I joined the group immediately, on account of my inner scientific spirit (oxymoron?) driving me to assist where necessary to prove these theories for the benefit of the greater good. And it has to be said, the thought that I may be closer to Johnny Depp than I ever imagined!

So, Facebook is built on the warm and fuzzy feelings of self-worth that come from checking a profile page full of mini-feed from random strangers, friends of friends and, funnily enough, real, live friends (to whom you speak with every other day anyway), all expressing goodwill and long overdue congratulations, commiserations or general how-the-hell-you-doin’-ness and made interesting and entirely addictive by inane applications with great graphics, which I have to have to make my life worth living! Facebook is the new fascination. It is the ultimate procrastination.

WHAT THE HELL DID WE DO BEFORE FACEBOOK?

It’s like having a child and you wonder what life was like before a perfect angel appeared to take it over! You try to remember what filled your days and nights, what drained your energies before? What was it that you actually DID? It’s the same as discovering fb. I for one slept more. I wrote more. I cooked and cleaned more (though, I’ve found that the beautifully plated dinners served after 9pm have in fact, been suitably impressive, a point which may allow me to get away with running in and out, from fb to risotto, etc for a little while longer). Before Facebook, we must have watched more of the latest releases from start to finish. I certainly watched many more episodes of Alias, House and Sex and the City (yes, I am widely acknowledged as Queen of the DVD Box Sets). I definitely checked my inbox only once daily. I googled various show titles, current Broadway stars’ bios and European fashion trends at my leisure and I added new photos to my blog. I mused very occasionally over what old friends and flames might be doing with their lives and their blogspots.

Pre-Facebook (circa 2003) we may or may not have heard about old flames and friends through others, never expecting to actually come into contact with them again. Pre-Facebook we accepted this; ce la vie, that’s life, no love lost and all that stuff. Now, dear friends and soon-to-be-enlightened family members, simply type in part or all of the old friend or ex-flame’s name and hit ‘search’ and all of a sudden, whether you’re ready to be re-acquainted or not, it’s “hey! How r u? Lookin’ goooood! Um, r u married yet?” Of course, the generous humanitarians behind fb, in the interests of keeping divorce rates at the same levels around the globe rather than increasing them and thus delaying for some time again the beginning of another world war, have with the best intentions, allowed fb members the ponderous option to accept or ignore friend requests. Instead, in my opinion, they have opened up a decision making process that equates with a possible sudden rise in suicide numbers, due to the devastating effects of low self-esteem when your friend request is ignored by somebody you found in someone else’s friend list. You can disregard the fact that you NEVER EXPECTED (NOR DESIRED) TO SEE THAT PERSON EVER AGAIN. The fact remains that they are out there, somewhere on fb AND YOU ARE CURIOUS.

The fb groups are curious things. There is truly a group for everyone. There is a group to support breast cancer research (click ‘download’ to get your pink ribbon!), a group to stop animal abuse, a group to save the trees, a group to save the dolphins and whales (everyone should save something, right?) There are groups for shoe-fetishists, Johnny Depp fans, Alby Mangle admirers, and there is even a group for admirers of some college hunk who doesn’t even have his own talk show, though he has a fan base of over a million according to his group’s member list! OMG! That’s some profile pic! Imagine how far The Hoff could have gone on fb, had it been at his fingertips 15 years ago! I don’t doubt that there are now at least four or five Hoff Fan groups in existence. There is truly a group for everything. I have previously mentioned the Six Degrees of Separation group. And there was until recently, a group whose sole purpose it was to lose the mandatory ‘is’ from profile status updates and guess what? We did it! Power to the people and praise Jesus! The ‘is’ is gone! As in all things, some will take longer to accept and celebrate this small victory. One of my friend’s most recent updates revealed that he is now desperately missing the ‘is’!

Oh the joys. Let it be said that Facebook and its pros and cons is not for the faint hearted. Or the jealous, control freak spouse. Only one question remains: is Facebook big enough to keep up with Facebook? With over six million members two days ago, it’s hard to say. But I intend to meet every member, via the Six Degrees of Separation Group, before the whole thing collapses!